It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

How do you get over the love of your life? I wish I knew. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, this is not the first time it has happened with her, but this time has finality written all over it. The signs were there, I chose to ignore them. Actually chose to ignore might not be the best way to describe it... I always thought it would work out. I thought me loving her as much as I could would be enough. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same. How can this be when everything inside of me tells me that she's the one? Is it because she's been my absolute best friend for the better part of the last 11 years? I'm so heartbroken... My life has never been so unsure, with me leaving for 2+ months to Colorado, and putting my AZ life on hold. I thought I'd have her to come home to. It doesn't bother me that she has found someone else, but it does bother me that this person all of a sudden appeared after I voiced my displeasure in her calling me "untrustworthy." Did I cause this by being upset? I'll never know. What do I do if I come home to her in a serious relationship? Is it finally time to get rid of the ring I got 7 years ago? Even in my hardest economic hardship I kept it. I sold my Gibson Les Paul over that ring. All I do know is I've lost her all over again and I don't know if I should throw in the towel or not. I'm not a quitter, I've never quit on anything in my life. Is she really worth all the fighting for? It feels like i should walk away, but I watch too many endless love movies... I watch too many underdog movies... Too many tears have been shed this evening. I read her texts from last week and wonder what the hell just happened? Everything was fine! Sigh... Everything happens for a reason. I will be able to sleep well at night knowing I did everything I could to love that woman. But damn this hurts. Bad.

2011 Academy Winners and Snubs

On Sunday, the 83^rd Annual Academy Awards will conclude a solid year in film that saw a decrease in Mega Summertime Blockbusters, and the rise of the mainstream indie movie. As an admitted film nerd who sees pretty much anything, regardless of how bad they are (Still recovering from Grown Ups), this was one of the more notable movie years. With movie studios seemingly more stubborn on what movies are made, the overall quality seemed to improve. (Although I can’t say the same for Nicholas Cage… Still don’t know what’s going on there) So without further ado, I present your guide to the Oscars.

Best Picture Nominees:

-Inception -Black Swan

-The Kids Are All Right -The Fighter

-The Social Network -127 Hours

-Winter’s Bone -Toy Story 3

-The Kings Speech -True Grit

And the Oscar goes to: The Kings Speech

Amongst such great competition, the fascinating account of King George VI & his unexpected rise to the crown in war-weary England stands tallest. It’s as inspirational as it is heartfelt. It will make you laugh one minute, than cry the next. Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, & Helena Bonham Carter are dynamic together and help bring Tom Hooper’s masterpiece to dazzling new heights. It’s as close to a perfect movie as one can get.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed” award: The Social Network

Making a movie about one of the biggest advances impacting our everyday social lives couldn’t be an easy task. Neither was telling the story of the people behind it all. Facebook has become such an integral part of people’s lives that the account of Mark Zuckerberg’s meteoric rise into cultural infamy deserves no less than its movie equivalent, and director David Fincher was clearly ready for the task. Throw in the verbal onslaught from Jesse Eisenberg as the CEO (bitches), and you can’t hit the “like” button fast enough. After multiple viewings, I still don’t know what hit me.

The “What About Me?!?” award: Toy Story 3

While Inception and Black Swan took us to dizzying new worlds and mental breakdowns we never dreamed possible, Toy Story 3 seems to get lost on everyone. There seems to be a stigma about animated movies that, for whatever reason, never seem to get the proper accolades they deserve. (Up anybody???) The third installment of Pixar's masterful trilogy bounded over the high bar set by the previous two, and somehow managed to make us more nostalgic to when the world seemed so big, and made us realize what was really important to us. Not just the toys of our childhood, but the connection and memories made. Pixar certainly knows how to make a movie.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

Big hitters like The Town (Liked it better when it was called Heat) and Shutter Island, as well as the lesser known Blue Valentine, Another Year, and Rabbit Hole were all certainly worthy.

Best Actor

Colin Firth - The King’s Speech

Javier Bardem - Biutiful

Jesse Eisenberg - The Social Network

Jeff Bridges - True Grit

James Franco - 127 Hours

And the Oscar goes to: Colin Firth - The King’s Speech

When the nominees were announced a few months ago, I knew immediately that the competition in this category would be the most heated, and rightfully so. Ultimately, Firth’s portrayal of King George VI’s reluctant ascension to the throne that made The King's Speech the marvel it is. Firth’s performance brings a human element to the role, something usually refrained from British royalty. He’s the snobbish royalty, the loving husband, the shamed son, and ultimately the voice of England during wartimes. I can’t imagine this movie without him, and quite frankly I don’t want to imagine it any other way.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed” award: Jessie Eisenberg - The Social Network

Portraying the youngest billionaire CEO in history can’t be easy, but after watching Eisenberg’s portrayal of Mark Zucckerberg, you’d think it was. In realization, Eisenberg brought his snarky, fast-talking know-it-all style that made last year’s Zombieland such an unexpectedly good time, and turned it up to 100. His character is described perfectly: “You’re not an asshole Mark, you’re just trying so hard to be one.” Eisenberg takes this mantra to heart, because he makes us want to like the character that has indirectly impacted our virtual lives so profoundly, but we can’t. He won’t let us.

The “What About Me?!?” award: James Franco - 127 Hours

Forgotten among the heavyweights was Franco’s performance of real life hiker/climber/overall adventure junkie Aron Ralston, who inexplicably gets his arm trapped by a boulder in an isolated cave. It harkened back to the movie Into the Wild which mirrored the same individual struggle, not of man vs. nature of which it initially appears, but man vs. self. There are some scenes were Franco’s character is literally at the brink of succumbing to his inevitable fate, and those heart-pounding moments make 127 Hours the delight it is. I can guarantee Oscar hasn’t heard the last of James Franco.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

I find it hard to believe that Michelle Williams was nominated for Blue Valentine, and Ryan Gosling was not, Leonardo DiCaprio for either Inception or Shutter Island, Mark Wahlberg for The Fighter, & Andy Garcia in City Island was awesome. Paul Giamatti's performance in Barney’s Version was deserving, but not sure enough people saw it in time... if not look for it next year.

Best Actress

Annett Bening - The Kids Are All Right

Nicole Kidman - Rabbit Hole

Natalie Portman - Black Swan

Michelle Williams - Blue Valentine

Jennifer Lawrence - Winter’s Bone

And the Oscar goes to: Natalie Portman - Black Swan

Death, taxes, Natalie Portman winning. We have so little certainties in life, but Portman winning this award is one of them. She gives the performance of her still young, but well-travelled career as Nina Sayers in Darren Aronofsky’s ballet-meets-psycho-thriller-mental breakdown masterpiece. Not only physically demanding (she did most, if not all of the ballerina performances), but Portman’s inner transformation from sweet, innocent dancer to the dark, passionate, troubled prima ballerina, which ultimately winds up destroying her, is nothing short of brilliant. Portman herself has always had the stigma of playing the good girl with one menacing self destructive flaw, and this role makes those others sit at the kiddy table. (Even Closer, for which she was recognized for in 2004) It’s clear who the prima ballerina is this year.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed” award:

No one. Portman was by far the best. She’s winning. Done.

The “What About Me?!?” award: Jennifer Lawrence - Winter’s Bone

Coming from the world of sitcoms and being relatively unknown didn’t stop Lawrence from delivering a powerful performance as Ree, the reluctant guardian of her two siblings and her detached from reality mother. Lawrence’s character was a runaway train, drawing her strength from the longing to save her family from losing their home, finding her fugitive father, and reluctantly (but by necessity) sacrificing her childhood someone to be strong when no one else could. Hopeless was not in her vocabulary. Riveting performance might be an understatement.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

Anne Hathaway was excellent in Love and Other Drugs, as was Lesley Manville in Another Year. Oh and how Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit was not in this category is still beyond me.

Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale – The Fighter

Jeremy Renner – The Town

Mark Ruffalo – The Kids Are All Right

Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech

John Hawkes – Winter’s Bone

And the Oscar goes to: Christian Bale – The Fighter

You’d almost expect The King’s Speech to sweep everything, but his performance as Dicky Eklund is as hard hitting as you would expect from Bale. As the older brother of Micky Ward, played by Mark Wahlberg, Dicky became infamous for ‘knocking down’ Sugar Ray Leonard in a fight years before and pretty much became the only legacy in his now drug-riddled life, and sharing the spotlight, especially with his little brother, clearly was a struggle. Bale lost a ton of weight to transform into Dicky, and really delivered the humorous, yet heart-breaking performance that this tragically-flawed character deserved.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed" award: Geoffrey Rush – The Kings Speech

Trying to pick between these two is a borderline futile endeavor. Rush’s portrayal of Lionel Logue, the failed actor turned speech therapist who befriends the soon to be King, holds his own the entire way. He becomes an easy fall guy for King George VI’s shortcomings, but comes out of it looking better than ever. Rush is spectacular, as this really could go either way, but I’m sticking with Bale.

The “What About Me?!?” award: Jeremy Renner – The Town

It seems like everyone kinda-sorta dismissed The Town all together, but Renner’s portrayal of Gem is deserving of some attention. As he demonstrated last year with The Hurt Locker, Renner is capable of playing the characters that are one step away from the edge of self-destruction. It’s easy to see the tensions burning up inside his character, and the scenes where he lets it all out are nothing short of spell-binding. Good luck breathing while he’s jumping off the edge.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

Perhaps the biggest omission of all potential nominees was Andrew Garfield’s performance as Eduardo Saverin in The Social Network. Joseph Gordin-Levitt for Inception, and Dustin Hoffman in Barney’s Version were awesome.

Best Supporting Actress:

Hailee Steinfeld – True Grit

Helena Bonham Carter – The King’s Speech

Melissa Leo – The Fighter

Amy Adams – The Fighter

Jacki Weaver – Animal Kingdom

And the Oscar goes to: Melissa Leo – The Fighter

First, full disclosure: I never saw Animal Kingdom, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. Regardless, Leo’s character Alice Ward has the unenviable task of taking sides between her 9 children and still believing she is still in charge of everyone. Her encounters with Amy Adams' character steals the thunder between Micky and Dicky, and the volatility makes everyone know that she is a force to be reckoned with.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed” award: Hailee Steinfeld – True Grit

Anyone that can hold their own with the likes Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, and Josh Brolin has done something right, and newcomer Hailee Steinfeld’s character of Mattie Ross does just that. While the remake might have fallen short of the original, what doesn’t fall short is her performance as a teenage girl who vows to find the killer of her murdered father. She plays it with the right mix of toughness and innocence to really carry the movie throughout. She brings heart to an otherwise soulless movie, and that’s reason enough to win.

The “What About Me?!?” award: Helena Bonham Carter – The King’s Speech

It’s so easy to overlook how good she was in this movie, because of the other two heavyweights in this movie. Bonham Carter portrays a younger Queen Elizabeth, who really is the rock in her marriage to King George VI. She finds Lionel Logue (Rush) and reassures her husband what he is truly capable of. Bonham Carter is known for portraying the more unusual characters in film, and is excellent in this role, but it might not be enough being overshadowed by Firth and Rush.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

No love for Mila Kunis from Black Swan??? Also, Olivia Wilde was excellent in The Ghost Writer as was Marion Cotillard in Inception.

Best Director

David O. Russel – The Fighter

Darren Aronofsky – Black Swan

Tom Hooper – The King’s Speech

David Fincher – The Social Network

Ethan and Joel Coen – True Grit

And the Oscar goes to: David Fincher – The Social Network

The biggest landmark film of the year belonged to The Social Network. Fincher’s vision of Zuckerberg’s billion dollar contribution to society was easily the most impactful movie of the year. The story was somewhat familiar, but Fincher infuses his own trademark style that made Se7en, Fight Club, and Benjamin Button so enjoyable. He builds such an emotional ride that it’s impossible not to sit back, and me amazed the places he takes you.

The "Are You Kidding Me? I Got Snubbed" award: Darren Aronofsky – Black Swan

I think it’s finally safe to say that Aronofsky has arrived, and let me be the first to welcome him with open arms. After scoring critical acclaim with Pi, the brilliant Requiem For A Dream, and The Wrestler (Hesitant to include The Fountain because I’ve watched it three times and still have no idea what was going on… Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it though!) he seems to have found his niche in making movies that you have to take a deep breath, and ask yourself, what in the f*** did I just watch?!? Black Swan is no different. The music, the cinematography, the performances all rise to a stunning, beautiful crescendo, only to crash in front of our very eyes. And then at last, we can finally breathe again.

The “What About Me?!?” award: Tom Hooper The King’s Speech

How can the best picture not win best director??? The performances are what make this movie so unique, while Fincher and Aronofsky incorporate their own profound styles more into the finished product. Don’t get me wrong, each style works for all three films respectively. The other two pushed the boundaries of filmmaking.

The “I couldn’t even get nominated?!?!?” Best of the rest:

Um, does the name Christopher Nolan ring a bell to anyone? Remember when Inception was the most ground-breaking film of our time? What happened since the summer? Same could be said for Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours.

I can remember it like it was yesterday: I was sitting in my parents living room watching a VHS of Wrestlemania VII that I had just rented and was incredibly excited to watch. It was 1991, the height of the resurgence of professional wrestling in America, and I had just jumped on board. As a nine year old kid, I immediately had an affinity to it: the classic good guys vs bad guys, the action, the music, the excitement, the spectacle, everything. To my parents chagrin possibly, I remember begging and pleading, probably vowing to do extra chores around the house if they would spend the $24.95 on my first PPV, in this case Summerslam 1991, and they finally gave in. After it was over, I remember thinking, "that was the coolest thing in the world!" I was hooked.

It wasn't until a few months after that when I finally watched Wrestlemania with my family, totally into it. Them it was time forthe main event, which was Hulk Hogan vs Sgt Slaughter, the ultimate good guy American vs. the bad guy Iraqi sympathizer, during the height of Desert Storm. The match was going along, when all of a sudden, something happened. Slaughter went to the outside, got a steel folding chair, and proceeded to hit Hogan in the head with it, causing him to bleed profusely. I instantly got upset, and cried to my step father, "Did you see that??? He cant do that??? He's really hurt!!!" He saw how upset I was, then took the remote and rewound the tape to just seconds before and explained, "Look, he's taking a blood capsule out of his trunks... He's not really bleeding. This isn't real." I didn't believe him and argued with him saying it was real and he really was hurt and I stormed off to my room, thinking that he was wrong. While I eventually realized that the fighting was fake, and storylines were written like a script for actors, its a lot more real than I ever could imagine.


Fast forward to present day, almost 20 years later, and I'm still a wrestling fan. Unfortunately, its something that is almost taboo with me, I don't announce that I am, I'm almost embarrassed that I still like it. I have a monster wrestling DVD collection that I jokingly say is worse than a porn collection, and I laugh because that really may be true. But something these last couple years has really disturbed me about wrestling... There has been a shocking number of guys dying under the age of 40 (close to 70 since 1995), especially this past decade culminating with the unheard of double murder suicide involving Chris Benoit in 2007. While this tragedy got the most national attention, it seems like there are at least 3 or 4 stories per year of another wrestler passing away because of something. That's unheard of anywhere else: just think if 3 movie stars in their primes passed away, or 3 people from the NBA passing away EVERY YEAR!!! It would be the #1 thing on SportsCenter, it would lead CNN, Senate hearings would be in place, but unfortunately since professional wrestling isn't technically "real" it doesn't get that kind of attention. It's unfortunate that this is becoming so common place in our society that people aren't surprised when something like this happens to a wrestler or maybe, quite frankly, nobody cares. Something that isn't "real" doesn't garner that attention I guess.

Now when a tragedy like the passing of Lance Cade comes to everyone's attention, like it did today, we look for answers to why this happens... How does a healthy, athletic 29 year old man die from heart failure? Some research divulges that the majority of these deaths are all the result of heart failure. Men in their 30's and 40's. (this case late 20's) The trend is frightening.

Is it steroids? Prescription pills? The lifestyle? The physicality? The constant work schedule? Personal vices? The answer is different with the diverse vastness of the people, and its a wicked circle. I don't have the answer. I'm at a loss. It's no longer ironic., there have been too many victims. The WWE is a billion dollar company, have revolutionized PPV (UFC wouldn't be as big as it is without WWE), have the longest running and most watched cable show on today, yet these tragedies do nothing to curtail its popularity. Through recent moves from the company in the past couple years, they have implemented strong drug testing policies for the talent and even pay for rehab for current and past wrestlers if they need it, good steps, but is it enough?

Regardless, my love of wrestling has withered away in recent months. I'm tired of trying to defend it. Wrestlemania was here in March, and really what is there left? Its crossed off my Bucket List. I've sat ringside for TV, my wrestling DVD's are on Craigslist, its time to move on. The main reason why I have always enjoyed wrestling is because I appreciated the unreal qualities of it all: the cheesy acting, the scripted matches, the predictable outcomes. But the reasons why I loved it as a kid now is the reason I pull away. The blood is real now.

My Top 5 (Movie Edition)

Kind of like AFI's, but I'm the judge. :)

Movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Contact, The Shawshank Redemption, High Fidelity, tie between Sideways and Castaway

Actor: Well, there's Daniel Day-Lewis then everyone not as good.

Actress: Natalie Portman, Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Drew Barrymore

Director: Tim Burton, Paul Thomas Anderson, Michael Gondry, Clint Eastwood, Robert Zemeckis

Score: Edward Scissorhands, Eternal Sunshine, There Will Be Blood, American Beauty, Solaris

Soundtrack: Dirty Dancing, Moonlight Mile, Grosse Point Blank, Garden State, (500) Days of Summer

Sequel: Terminator 2, Aliens, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Godfather II

Musical: Moulin Rouge!, ummm...

Scene: Ducky Singing 'Try a Little Tenderness' in Pretty in Pink, 'Phone Call' in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 'Ice Dance' in Edward Scissorhands, When Chuck finally reunites with Kelly in Castaway, the SeaBiscuit/War Admiral match race in Seabiscuit. (Bonus: The float scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Trilogy: Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, Godfather,

Animated: The Lion King, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Little Mermaid, Up

Biography: Ray, Walk the Line, The Doors, Capote, SeaBiscuit

My Life in Music

My Life: The Soundtrack Created by chocobojoe and taken 4179 times on Bzoink
Opening Credits::	"Walking on Sunshine" Katrina & the Waves
Average Day::	"Ant's Marching" Dave Matthews Band
Spending time with friends::	"Sweet Caroline" Neil Diamond
Driving::	"All of My Days" Alexi Murdoch
Bad day::	"Fire And Rain" James Taylor
Fight scene::	"Bullet the Blue Sky" U2
Mental breakdown::	"All Along the Watchtower" Jimi Hendrix
Life is okay::	"The 59th Ave Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy)" Simon & Garfunkle
Graduation::	"Celebration" Kool and the Gang
Longing for love::	"Darling Be Home Soon" The Lovin' Spoonful
First glance/new crush::	"Phone Call" Jon Brion (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Soundtrack)
Secret love::	"Come Away With Me" Norah Jones
First date::	"Here's to the Night" Eve 6
Falling in love::	"In Your Eyes" Peter Gabriel
Love scene::	"Let's Get It On" Marvin Gaye
Breaking up::	"And So It Goes" William Joel
Long night alone::	"Miles From Alright" Prettygood
Wishing for love to return::	"The Background" Third Eye Blind
Fighting to get him/her back::	"Hannah" Ray LaMontange
Proposal::	"Forever and Ever, Amen" Randy Travis
Wedding::	"Into the Mystic" Van Morrison
Reflecting on life::	"Blowing in the Wind" Bob Dylan
Reflecting on love::	"Champagne High" Sister Hazel
Death scene::	"Moonlight Sonata" Beethoven
Closing credits::	"Sweet Thing" Van Morrison
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Intro

Hopefully the first of many... I will try to use this forum as something to express feelings about music, movies, etc, those trite things that mean so much to us. Many brilliant thoughts and feelings are had after hours!